Wait, Was That My Midlife Crisis?

I was too busy to recognize it at the time, but I think I can pinpoint the exact moment when I missed my midlife crisis. It was a mundane afternoon in the middle of the week, in the middle of the month, in the middle of my life. I was driving around and saw a…

The Bright Lights Of Bowling

I went downtown to L.A. Live the other night to try out a cool nightclub called Lucky Strike that promised to be the “most exciting foray into chic entertainment,” but instead became a head-on collision with my past. It was a bowling alley. That’s right, that thing you used to watch on Saturday morning after…

The Realist’s Workout

At first blush, it seemed like my boss had done me a huge favor by letting me off early last week. What a great opportunity. I could catch up on some errands, do some banking in person, maybe finally weed the garden (or garden the weeds), wash the dog, clean the baseboards, make something real…

Who The Hell Is Watching Me?

I am convinced there is a higher force watching over us, but not the kindly, altruistic, divine type you’re thinking of. No, this one is much more sinister and devious and, well, greedy. It’s the Financial Devil. This Satan of Simoleons knows exactly what is going on in my house and life, as though he…

Oh Crap, the Bell!

The kids went back to school yesterday. That’s when I heard that dreaded sound: the bell. Now I haven’t attended school since the term “Early Birds” actually referred to hungry winged egg-layers, and there was no such thing as Zero Period. So it’s been, let me see, multiply by four, carry the six, divide by…

A Letter To My Boss

Today I got home early enough to learn that I have a third child!  Who knew?  She’s cute and perky and called me Daddertat, and asked me “why are you so bald?” a lot, so she must be mine.  We spent some time getting to know each other.  I’m hoping to figure out her name…

I Believe Life Is Like Baseball

No matter how old I get, every Spring I am filled with the youthful anticipation of the coming baseball season.  Anything is possible, and every dream still has the chance to come true. Yet every season seems to mirror life, with its capricious tragedies and underdog successes, its spectacular triumphs and its unpitying twists of…