The Playboy Mansion Exposed

As the Unofficial Historian and Expert of All Things Southern California, I want to make it clear that while Disneyland may be the “Happiest Place On Earth,” the place everyone wants to see is The Playboy Mansion. That, truly, is the “place where dreams are made of [sic].” Some time ago, I had the honor…

Oh Crap, the Bell!

The kids went back to school yesterday. That’s when I heard that dreaded sound: the bell. Now I haven’t attended school since the term “Early Birds” actually referred to hungry winged egg-layers, and there was no such thing as Zero Period. So it’s been, let me see, multiply by four, carry the six, divide by…

Mayberry, L.A.

When people think of Los Angeles, they probably envision endless miles of concrete, infinite strip malls that test the definitions of beige, and a Kardashian snapping a selfie on every corner. But if you ever get lost on the 210 Freeway, and take an off-ramp with the hopes of finding not only your way, but…

Vegas, Baby!

Ahh, Las Vegas. As the self-proclaimed expert on all things Southern California, I would like to practice an age-old technique of Hollywood and take ownership of something that is not even remotely ours:  Vegas, baby! But it is hard to own an illusion. On a recent convention trip to Vegas, I marveled at how the…

A Letter To My Boss

Today I got home early enough to learn that I have a third child!  Who knew?  She’s cute and perky and called me Daddertat, and asked me “why are you so bald?” a lot, so she must be mine.  We spent some time getting to know each other.  I’m hoping to figure out her name…

Let’s Rename Some Cities

I like it when cities name themselves after something they feel is worthy or appropriate about the city itself. For instance, I find it interesting that Long Beach chose to name themselves after what it considered (way back when) to be its most dominant feature:  literally a very long beach.  Made total sense, and prevented…

Who Takes Out The Trash On The Space Station?

I mean, seriously, who does it?  Because people are people, even if they are astronauts, and basic human nature has to intervene at some point. If the ISS operates anything like things do around my house, then there are a bunch of highly trained, hard working, space technicians performing a complex experiment that is as…

The Scotch Had Nothing To Do With It

Last night I saw that commercial for Temptations Cat Treats where the guy comes to work wearing “cat boots.”  You know, the one where the woman compliments his stylish boots, but he reveals “They’re not boots, they’re my cats.”  Freakin’ hysterical spot. At this point, I think it is very important to let you know…

Really Scary Movie

FADE IN on the sun setting over a perfectly idyllic small town somewhere in the Northeast, the comforting rays of light dappling the changing colors, the last golden hues reflecting off the many church steeples that lead the way towards the darkening edge of town. The Women’s Auxiliary Gardening Club, whose membership consists of a…

Trendy, Trendy Culver City

One current jewel of the great Southern California Basin is trendy, trendy Culver City, located near the Eastern border checkpoints blocking the way into the desirable West Side. If you bypass Checkpoint Charlie, and sneak in through the still active oil fields of Baldwin Hills, you can find this hip and in-demand town firmly nestled…