Really Scary Movie

Creepy_farmhouseFADE IN on the sun setting over a perfectly idyllic small town somewhere in the Northeast, the comforting rays of light dappling the changing colors, the last golden hues reflecting off the many church steeples that lead the way towards the darkening edge of town.

The Women’s Auxiliary Gardening Club, whose membership consists of a couple of elderly widows, a lesbian nun, and three hot college coeds, is on a field trip to a remote farm, far from town, in search of a new strain of Begonias, when their beat up old Dodge Caravan breaks down on a country road.  At night.

They decide to walk to the farmhouse and call for help.  Along the way, they see overturned hay wagons and signs of great struggles.  The coeds freak out and run through the bushes, which tear off most of their clothing, leaving them in panties and bras.  The elderly women shake their heads like they have seen this before.

No one answers at the farmhouse, so they go inside.  The phones don’t work.  Lightning strikes and thunder booms outside.  They decide the safest course of action is to stay right where they are and board up the doors and windows.  Soon they hear they sound of people trudging slowly towards the farmhouse.  The nun prays.

There is banging on the doors and windows, and bloodied arms start to reach in through cracks in the boards.  The coeds shriek and jump up and down.  One elderly widow says, “Here we go again.”

The coeds cry hysterically and demand to know, “Are they going to eat our brains?”  The other elderly widow says, “No sweetie, much worse.  It’s relentless.”  The nun threatens the old ladies with her cross and demands, “What do you know about this?”

“Just see for yourself,” the elderly women say.  The jiggling coeds pry open a board and look outside to see thousands of attractive grinning silver-haired men advancing toward the farm house with insistent bulges in their pants.  The coeds scream.

It’s:  VIAGRA ZOMBIES FROM HELL!

Coming soon from Four Hour Films to a bedroom near you!

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2 thoughts on “Really Scary Movie

  1. Add 36,000 cutaways, screaming, splintering metal, and central male hero about to reject signing his contract and you’d have a Michael Bay hit. Well, if there wasn’t so much dialogue, that is.

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