Who The Hell Is Watching Me?

I am convinced there is a higher force watching over us, but not the kindly, altruistic, divine type you’re thinking of. No, this one is much more sinister and devious and, well, greedy. It’s the Financial Devil. This Satan of Simoleons knows exactly what is going on in my house and life, as though he…

The Playboy Mansion Exposed

As the Unofficial Historian and Expert of All Things Southern California, I want to make it clear that while Disneyland may be the “Happiest Place On Earth,” the place everyone wants to see is The Playboy Mansion. That, truly, is the “place where dreams are made of [sic].” Some time ago, I had the honor…

Mayberry, L.A.

When people think of Los Angeles, they probably envision endless miles of concrete, infinite strip malls that test the definitions of beige, and a Kardashian snapping a selfie on every corner. But if you ever get lost on the 210 Freeway, and take an off-ramp with the hopes of finding not only your way, but…

Let’s Rename Some Cities

I like it when cities name themselves after something they feel is worthy or appropriate about the city itself. For instance, I find it interesting that Long Beach chose to name themselves after what it considered (way back when) to be its most dominant feature:  literally a very long beach.  Made total sense, and prevented…

Who Takes Out The Trash On The Space Station?

I mean, seriously, who does it?  Because people are people, even if they are astronauts, and basic human nature has to intervene at some point. If the ISS operates anything like things do around my house, then there are a bunch of highly trained, hard working, space technicians performing a complex experiment that is as…

The Scotch Had Nothing To Do With It

Last night I saw that commercial for Temptations Cat Treats where the guy comes to work wearing “cat boots.”  You know, the one where the woman compliments his stylish boots, but he reveals “They’re not boots, they’re my cats.”  Freakin’ hysterical spot. At this point, I think it is very important to let you know…

Really Scary Movie

FADE IN on the sun setting over a perfectly idyllic small town somewhere in the Northeast, the comforting rays of light dappling the changing colors, the last golden hues reflecting off the many church steeples that lead the way towards the darkening edge of town. The Women’s Auxiliary Gardening Club, whose membership consists of a…

Trendy, Trendy Culver City

One current jewel of the great Southern California Basin is trendy, trendy Culver City, located near the Eastern border checkpoints blocking the way into the desirable West Side. If you bypass Checkpoint Charlie, and sneak in through the still active oil fields of Baldwin Hills, you can find this hip and in-demand town firmly nestled…

Arcadia – L.A.’s Bloomin’ Onion

I recently had the mundane pleasure of spending the day in Arcadia, California.  For those of you that have never heard of this San Gabriel Valley suburb of Los Angeles, let me try and help. On the map of Los Angeles, Arcadia is way to the right.  Even more.  That’s it, keep going, farther right,…

I Know SoCal History, pt. 2

The “Other” Valley – the San Gabriel Valley “Where in the hell is the valley?” As the unofficial historian and self-proclaimed expert on all things Southern California, I completely understand the confusion.  The problem for those without tans and agents is there are so many valleys.  Too many. There is The Valley (which we covered last week),…