I’m Packin’ So You’re Wrong


An election year is truly a polarizing event.

Actually, it’s more like Halloween.  Because people you see every day, people you usually get along with, suddenly appear before you wearing the ghastly costume of reactionary conservatives (or uppity liberals, depending on which side of the fence).

With the election looming in the distance like a massive haboob on the horizon, I recently engaged in a daylong debate at work with our Set Cops. Set Cops are those fabulous LAPD officers that make extra money in their retirement by protecting film crews from the ravages of society trying to gain access to our snack table. And us. They protect us.

LAPD motor cop

I guess the word “debate” would be inaccurate. Nobody debates cops. They tell you the way it is. And if you try and say otherwise, their hand goes instinctually to their holster strap. I don’t think they even know they do it. That is unnerving in a discussion.


I’m kind of used to talking with the opposition, since I live in a suburb of Southern California that is known for being a promised land for Republicans.  On past election days, they used to send a limo to pick me up and take me to the polls because everyone wanted to see what a Democrat looked like.

So after a day of being told the merits, or lack thereof, of our respective candidates, I will offer this suggestion to talking politics with members of law enforcement:  don’t do it because they carry guns, and inevitably will be right because of that. Which, in my mind, encapsulates our Republican view of the world.  There, I said it.


Okay then, since I have stepped in the puddle of politics, I offer these choice tidbits, actual quotes, from my day of talking with retired law enforcement officers:

“I like a woman who can shoot.”

“Obama sat on a committee with a known radical bomber.”

“Back in the day, a buddy of mine in Viet Nam was going to kill Jane Fonda, but she changed her itinerary.”

“The deficit was never intended, or designed, to be paid off.”

“We’re fighting for peace.”

And my personal favorite from the day:

“You liberals need to start making educated and informed decisions.”


And with that, I encourage you to encourage everyone you know to vote.


This article first appeared on HumorOutcasts.com.

5 thoughts on “I’m Packin’ So You’re Wrong

  1. I have long maintained that guns are substitute penises in every possible interpretation. George Carlin called war a lot of dick waving, pointing out the shape of bombs and missiles. To extrapolate the metaphor, whenever a man seems to believe his strength comes from his privates and not his brain, I know I’m talking to a Republican.

    Even speaking on the phone, I can hear the exact moment a cop has rested his hand on his holster, as you say. It is, indeed, unnerving and, might I add, wildly inappropriate. Weapons are supposed to be the last resort in negotiation, not the opening argument. Unfortunately, too many police officers are woefully unarmed in the mental arena. What else do they have but bullets?

    Here, you may enjoy this. I always do.

  2. You Americans need a 3rd, 4th, 5th party…. and realize that a great divide between people need not be precipitated on how one votes.
    Informed and educated is right. Principles based on majority, feeling, antipathy to the other side is so ‘grade school.’

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