You Will Submit To The Plant Overlords

Sometimes my job as a sound mixer in Show Business takes me to some fascinating and exotic locations, and sometimes it just lands me right in the middle of a commercial plant nursery for 16 hours. So much for the glamour. But the most peculiar thing happened while I was nestled safely in the hothouse…

How To Raise A Family Of Women

I’m completely screwed. I have three daughters. Besides the obvious joy that statement brings, it also means several other things: I have no hair, I’m never right, there will be three colleges, three weddings, and consequently, I will never retire. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned a few things along the way that I…

Wait, Was That My Midlife Crisis?

I was too busy to recognize it at the time, but I think I can pinpoint the exact moment when I missed my midlife crisis. It was a mundane afternoon in the middle of the week, in the middle of the month, in the middle of my life. I was driving around and saw a…

The Bright Lights Of Bowling

I went downtown to L.A. Live the other night to try out a cool nightclub called Lucky Strike that promised to be the “most exciting foray into chic entertainment,” but instead became a head-on collision with my past. It was a bowling alley. That’s right, that thing you used to watch on Saturday morning after…

I Saw The Apocalypse

I caught a frightening glimpse of the apocalypse, and it’s worse than you think. Yesterday our power was out all day and we were plunged into a darkness beyond what light can illuminate.  I have read many post-apocalyptic novels in my day, but they couldn’t begin to prepare me for a world without power. At…

The Realist’s Workout

At first blush, it seemed like my boss had done me a huge favor by letting me off early last week. What a great opportunity. I could catch up on some errands, do some banking in person, maybe finally weed the garden (or garden the weeds), wash the dog, clean the baseboards, make something real…

Who Crisped My Bacon, Damnit?

You know what really crisps my bacon? Hospitals and colleges. I am so tired of getting solicitations from hospitals and colleges asking me to give generously, or how about sending us some extra money because we fixed your flooby valve, or don’t forget us in your will. My will! The cost of attending either one…

Lawyers For The Little Guys

For the first time in my three hundred seventy five years in Show Business, I worked on a commercial for lawyers. Usually the only lawyers who advertise on TV are the bottom feeders that want to profit from your denied disability claims, ancient asbestos exposure, or your, gulp, vaginal mesh debacle. But this was for…

Hot? Again?

  Here is something that happens every October in Southern California that I’ll bet most of the country never has to experience: a heat wave. Temps are forecasted to be in the 100’s by this weekend. Oh goodie. Everyone else has already broken out the winter wardrobe, and rotated the liquor cabinet to bring those…